he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
