he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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