What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm drive I can fine osifer
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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