I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
