how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
