No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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