before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
