singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
