he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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