There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
