i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
