I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
