I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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