ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
