The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
