where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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