His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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