Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
