Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
