Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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