Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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