I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
