Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i will never coherently bang her
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
