I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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