please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
