are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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