she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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