Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
