nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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