Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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