Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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