The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
