just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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