It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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