Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
