When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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