why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
