I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
