We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
