idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
