I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
