Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
