conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
