Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dicks are not precious.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
