she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You are a genius and a whore.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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