Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
