ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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