it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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