there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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