This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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