TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
