Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
