Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
