when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
