Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
