guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
