So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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